iResuméd

"iQuit My Last iJob Because iWanted A New iCareer...." 

"-- I'm sorry, could you stop right there. Why are you doing that?"

"What am iDoing?"

"You keep saying "I" at the beginning of everything."

"No iAm not. You're mispronouncing it."

"What?"

"You're saying "I". iThink you are trying to say 'i'. That's what iAm iDoing."

"Oh no. You're another one of these."

"iDon't know what you mean."

"Ugh, OK. I'll try to make this clear for you. Adding a lowercase letter 'i' to the beginning of things doesn't make them better. It doesn't signify a technological breakthrough, it doesn't indicate any enhanced features and abilities, and it doesn't improve the quality of your product or service. It endears exactly 0% of anyone ever and it's obnoxious. I went to the store the other day and saw an iPillow. Not kidding. My wife brought home an iKettle to make tea in. It's the dumbest thing ever, and I have no time for it."

"i...iDon't know what to iSay -"

"Just either slown down on all this 'i' business, or leave this interview."

"OK...i'm sorry..."

"NOPE. That sounded pretty lowercase to me. Get out."

"Oh come on! iT doesn't count iF iWork iT iN like that!"

"I SAID GET OUT."

"At least watch my iResumé first!"

"For the last time, stop - what do you mean, 'watch your resumé?'"

"Seriously this time. It's my iResumé. See?"

"Wow...that's...actually pretty cool. Is that a video resumé? With your own personal profile? It's so...professional looking. Wow, there's even a QR code...you can pass these out anywhere so easily, and I can watch them straight from my iPhone or Android device? iLike this, this is cool."

"You're right iT iS. Care to reconsider?"

"iThink you might be onto iSomething here."

"iKnew you'd say that."