HomeSpectors

You'll have to excuse the mess - proton packs tend to get a little slimy. 

And that is exactly why I need to learn how to spell better. My lack of spelling ability has plagued me my whole life, from college to Scrabble games to embarrassing emails at work. My most recent gaffe was, well, when I tried looking you guys up in the phone book. I was in the middle of researching a house for sale, and thought that your expertise would help me decide whether or not to buy it. How was I supposed to know that HomeSpectors and HomeSpectres were different organizations entirely?

Anyway, long story short, I ended up loading up this house with poltergeists. I'm talking crawling with them...bleeding walls, things that go "bump" in the night, evil mirrors, talking fridge, the works. And as we all know, there's a rule in the real estate industry: you infest it with malfeasant spirits of years past, you buy it. And so for the last few months I've been stuck with a carnivorous house from Hell. I had to do what any reasonable person would do...make the call.

So there was lots of screaming and ghost battles and romance and blah blah all that. I just want my house inspected. I mean, the ghost slime and proton burns are obvious so you can skim over that, but I know that HomeSpectors are the experts in electrical, plumbing, structural, and safety inspections. So please, let's try to make this money pit into something liveable. Also, be careful in the basement. I think there's still about half a burned-down orphanage's worth of soul-eating children skittering about. I'll pay you extra.